You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
