this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
