So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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