I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
