you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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