no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
