I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
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its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
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