How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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