I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I wish you could order shots online.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
