I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
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you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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