saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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