drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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