Buhtt sex?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
