tonight lets celebrate not being married
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
