i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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