Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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