but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
