you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
