So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
