At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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