this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
