Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
