Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
tonight lets celebrate not being married
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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