Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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