Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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