Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
