I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
