If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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