By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
