The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
