fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Moan for me like Helen Keller
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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