i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
