I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I want to have your abortion
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
