Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
