so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
why do cheetos always look like penises
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
