Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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