No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
