one might say we're banned from that church
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
