You really coming over, don't trick.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize