From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
