Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I see more hoeing in ur future
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
