Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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