Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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