____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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