I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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