I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
