It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
