i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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