I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
