When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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