last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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