if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
