I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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