i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
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But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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