the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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