I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
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Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
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if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.