Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I need a beard to bite.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?