I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
sarcasm needs its own font
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.