The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I wish you could order shots online.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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