I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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