Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
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I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
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Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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