I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
