How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
