yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
