it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
