I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
