there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
