i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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