Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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