I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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