i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize