the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
