I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
