I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
