Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
