Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
